Comrade Nicht Werhoffen
North Korean Vice-President Kim Sum-dong was being given a tour of the Kremlin's secret research facilities by Russian President Vladimir Putin.
"And now Mr. Kim," President Putin entered a conference room, "I'd like you to meet the man in charge of our Special Research and Development Project, Comrade Nicht Werhoffen."
"Comrade Nicht Werhoffen?" the North Korean picked his nose with a chopstick, "that name sounds vaguely familiar for some reason."
"Comrade Nicht Werhoffen was the assistant deputy head of the East German Stasi during the glorious days of the Cold War," Putin smiled, "I first got to know him when I served as a KGB operative in East Berlin."
"I've read about your days as a KGB operative in Germany," Kim continued to pick his nose with a chopstick, "I believe in your autobiography it said that you spent most of your time leafing through the lingerie section of West German department store catalogues."
"That's very true," Putin's eyes positively sparkled in reply, "you know I still kept that chair I used when I used to do that. One of these days I should have that chair steam cleaned and put in my office in the Kremlin."
"I always wondered what became of Comrade Nicht Werhoffen after the collapse of East Germany," Kim wiped the chopstick on the North Korean diplomatic attache's suit, "he seemed to have vanished into thin air."
The 400 lb. Comrade Nicht Werhoffen waved at the trio while he sat at his desk eating 69 Big Macs purchased from a Moscow McDonald's.
"Well as you can see," Putin pointed at the rotund figure, "he did not vanish into thin air."
"I'm going to have to take my suit in to be dry cleaned," the North Korean diplomatic attache started to cry.
"Did he flee to Moscow after the German Democratic Republic went belly-up?" Kim Sum-dong asked.
"Indeed he did," Putin nodded, "after East Germany collapsed in 1990 he fled to Moscow and joined the Soviet KGB. After the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991 he kissed Boris Yeltsin's backside and joined the Russian FSB. He remained with the FSB until I became President in 1999. After becoming President, I named him in charge of my Special Research and Development Project."
"And what is this Special Research and Development that you're having him do?" Kim asked.
"It's part of the asymmetrical warfare we're conducting against Britain, Israel and the United States," Putin started to explain.
In the next room, Ukrainian nationalist vampiress Inna Huculak (who had been spying and eavesdropping on the meeting) turned her eyes and ears from the wall and thought to herself, "The Canadian vampire hunter and geopolitical analyst Dracul Van Helsing must be informed of this immediately."
Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak: "Dracul Van Helsing must be informed of this immediately."
"And now Mr. Kim," President Putin entered a conference room, "I'd like you to meet the man in charge of our Special Research and Development Project, Comrade Nicht Werhoffen."
"Comrade Nicht Werhoffen?" the North Korean picked his nose with a chopstick, "that name sounds vaguely familiar for some reason."
"Comrade Nicht Werhoffen was the assistant deputy head of the East German Stasi during the glorious days of the Cold War," Putin smiled, "I first got to know him when I served as a KGB operative in East Berlin."
"I've read about your days as a KGB operative in Germany," Kim continued to pick his nose with a chopstick, "I believe in your autobiography it said that you spent most of your time leafing through the lingerie section of West German department store catalogues."
"That's very true," Putin's eyes positively sparkled in reply, "you know I still kept that chair I used when I used to do that. One of these days I should have that chair steam cleaned and put in my office in the Kremlin."
"I always wondered what became of Comrade Nicht Werhoffen after the collapse of East Germany," Kim wiped the chopstick on the North Korean diplomatic attache's suit, "he seemed to have vanished into thin air."
The 400 lb. Comrade Nicht Werhoffen waved at the trio while he sat at his desk eating 69 Big Macs purchased from a Moscow McDonald's.
"Well as you can see," Putin pointed at the rotund figure, "he did not vanish into thin air."
"I'm going to have to take my suit in to be dry cleaned," the North Korean diplomatic attache started to cry.
"Did he flee to Moscow after the German Democratic Republic went belly-up?" Kim Sum-dong asked.
"Indeed he did," Putin nodded, "after East Germany collapsed in 1990 he fled to Moscow and joined the Soviet KGB. After the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991 he kissed Boris Yeltsin's backside and joined the Russian FSB. He remained with the FSB until I became President in 1999. After becoming President, I named him in charge of my Special Research and Development Project."
"And what is this Special Research and Development that you're having him do?" Kim asked.
"It's part of the asymmetrical warfare we're conducting against Britain, Israel and the United States," Putin started to explain.
In the next room, Ukrainian nationalist vampiress Inna Huculak (who had been spying and eavesdropping on the meeting) turned her eyes and ears from the wall and thought to herself, "The Canadian vampire hunter and geopolitical analyst Dracul Van Helsing must be informed of this immediately."
Ukrainian vampiress Inna Huculak: "Dracul Van Helsing must be informed of this immediately."
posted by Christopher @ 1:54 PM
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