The Daughter of Fu Manchu
"What are you working on, Renfield?" Amadeus Emanon asked the shapeshifting hamster.
"Another genetic clone," Renfield replied as he sat in a computer control room over the isolation lab of Set Enterprises' Genetics wing.
"Who's this a clone of?" Amadeus asked as he munched on a bag of Sour Cream N' Onion potato chips.
"Ziyi Zhang," Renfield replied.
"Ziyi Zhang the lovely and beautiful Chinese actress who starred in The House of Flying Daggers, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Memoirs of A Geisha?" Amadeus dropped a potato chip on the floor.
"That's the one," Renfield nodded, "you a fan?".
"I must confess I am," Amadeus picked the potato chip off the floor and dipped it in some Green Horse Radish Chip Dip.
"Something you and Dracul Van Helsing share in common," Renfield harrumphed.
"Dracul Van Helsing," Amadeus reached for another potato chip, "I hear he and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had a child last Wednesday."
"A baby girl," Renfield snorted, "her name is Chantal Aishwarya Ziyi Andalucia Qonzilqointec Van Helsing."
"Ziyi," Amadeus nodded, "probably named after Ziyi Zhang I imagine and Aishwarya was probably named after India's leading actress Aishwarya Rai. I like her too."
"Yes," Renfield coughed, "you and Van Helsing seem to have similar taste in women."
"I've been told that I share a similar taste in potato chips with Harry Woo," Amadeus noted.
"What? You only buy bags of potato chips with discount coupons?" Renfield snorted again.
"As a matter of fact, yes," Amadeus bit into another chip.
"Figures," Renfield pushed a button on the control panel.
"Where did you get the DNA from Miss Zhang?" Amadeus brought the dish of Green Horse Radish Chip Dip to his mouth and started slurping away.
"I was in hamster form on the set of Memoirs of A Geisha and when Ziyi Zhang accidently broke one of her long painted fingernails (which I must say caused much consternation and a Chinese language spaz attack on the set), I ran off with it to extract the DNA," Renfield beamed.
"Wouldn't some of the nail polish have gotten in with the DNA as well?" Amadeus asked.
"Amadeus shut up!" Renfield ordered.
"Wow, there she is," Amadeus looked through the window into the Genetics lab.
"That's right," Renfield laughed, "my own little Ziyi Zhang clone."
"What are you going to do with her?" Amadeus asked as he finished slurping the last of the horse radish chip dip.
"Well I've programmed her mind with the writings of Sax Rohmer and the Christopher Lee Fu Manchu Hammer Studios Films of the 1960s," Renfield cackled, "I've programmed her to think she's the real life daughter of Fu Manchu."
"Why?" Amadeus searched through his wallet to try to find a Steak and Kidney Pie discount coupon.
"Because with the evil mindset she now has and with her looks," Renfield smiled, "she'll be our secret weapon to lure in Dracul Van Helsing into our clutches."
The shapeshifting hamster then laughed like Vincent Price at the end of the Michael Jackson song Thriller.
Renfield's masterpiece the genetically created Daughter of Fu Manchu:
Ready and waiting to lure in the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing
"Another genetic clone," Renfield replied as he sat in a computer control room over the isolation lab of Set Enterprises' Genetics wing.
"Who's this a clone of?" Amadeus asked as he munched on a bag of Sour Cream N' Onion potato chips.
"Ziyi Zhang," Renfield replied.
"Ziyi Zhang the lovely and beautiful Chinese actress who starred in The House of Flying Daggers, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Memoirs of A Geisha?" Amadeus dropped a potato chip on the floor.
"That's the one," Renfield nodded, "you a fan?".
"I must confess I am," Amadeus picked the potato chip off the floor and dipped it in some Green Horse Radish Chip Dip.
"Something you and Dracul Van Helsing share in common," Renfield harrumphed.
"Dracul Van Helsing," Amadeus reached for another potato chip, "I hear he and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had a child last Wednesday."
"A baby girl," Renfield snorted, "her name is Chantal Aishwarya Ziyi Andalucia Qonzilqointec Van Helsing."
"Ziyi," Amadeus nodded, "probably named after Ziyi Zhang I imagine and Aishwarya was probably named after India's leading actress Aishwarya Rai. I like her too."
"Yes," Renfield coughed, "you and Van Helsing seem to have similar taste in women."
"I've been told that I share a similar taste in potato chips with Harry Woo," Amadeus noted.
"What? You only buy bags of potato chips with discount coupons?" Renfield snorted again.
"As a matter of fact, yes," Amadeus bit into another chip.
"Figures," Renfield pushed a button on the control panel.
"Where did you get the DNA from Miss Zhang?" Amadeus brought the dish of Green Horse Radish Chip Dip to his mouth and started slurping away.
"I was in hamster form on the set of Memoirs of A Geisha and when Ziyi Zhang accidently broke one of her long painted fingernails (which I must say caused much consternation and a Chinese language spaz attack on the set), I ran off with it to extract the DNA," Renfield beamed.
"Wouldn't some of the nail polish have gotten in with the DNA as well?" Amadeus asked.
"Amadeus shut up!" Renfield ordered.
"Wow, there she is," Amadeus looked through the window into the Genetics lab.
"That's right," Renfield laughed, "my own little Ziyi Zhang clone."
"What are you going to do with her?" Amadeus asked as he finished slurping the last of the horse radish chip dip.
"Well I've programmed her mind with the writings of Sax Rohmer and the Christopher Lee Fu Manchu Hammer Studios Films of the 1960s," Renfield cackled, "I've programmed her to think she's the real life daughter of Fu Manchu."
"Why?" Amadeus searched through his wallet to try to find a Steak and Kidney Pie discount coupon.
"Because with the evil mindset she now has and with her looks," Renfield smiled, "she'll be our secret weapon to lure in Dracul Van Helsing into our clutches."
The shapeshifting hamster then laughed like Vincent Price at the end of the Michael Jackson song Thriller.
Renfield's masterpiece the genetically created Daughter of Fu Manchu:
Ready and waiting to lure in the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing
posted by Christopher @ 6:20 PM
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