Svetlana Kireeva On Saint Vladimir's Day

Photograph of Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva FSB Agent and aide to Russian President Vladimir Putin torturing British MI6 Agent Millo Wilson

British Prime Minister Gordon Brown gulped as he looked at the photograph of British MI6 Agent Millo Wilson being tortured by Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva.

PDQ NotBach the head of Section Orestes of MI6 had only received the photograph via courier today.

"I imagine now that I've expelled the 4 Russian diplomats, Agent Wilson's torture will be a lot worse," Brown frowned.

"We expect so," NotBach nodded as he listened to a rendition of Johann Sebastian Bach's Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring on his I-pod MP3 player.

"But why didn't my predecessor Tony Blair tell me that a British intelligence agent was being held hostage in the whole Alexander Litvinenko affair?" Brown opened his desk drawer and took out a dart and threw it at the dartboard with the photo of Tony Blair on his office wall.

"With all due respect, Mr. Brown," PDQ NotBach coughed in unison with the cannonfire in the rendition of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture now playing on his I-pod, "but Mr. Blair did not know about it. Heck even MI6 wasn't aware of it. If I hadn't run into Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan in a London fish and chip shop this morning, I wouldn't have known about it."

"But you say that Millo Wilson was being held captive by the Russian FSB for over a month now," Brown took a sip of his Scotch broth soup, "why didn't Clinton Williams our MI6 operative at the British Embassy in Moscow inform us of Agent Wilson being missing in the field in the first place."

"Well actually Agent Wilson didn't go missing in the field," PDQ NotBach corrected the Prime Minister as he listened to the Beatles sing I Wanna Hold Your Hand on his I-pod, "he originally went missing in the Ladies' washroom of a trendy Moscow nightclub and dance spot."

"I don't care where Agent Wilson went missing," Prime Minister Brown shit himself in exasperation, "what I want to know is why Moscow based MI6 liason officer Clinton Williams didn't report Agent Wilson missing?".

Prime Minister Brown pushed the intercom button on his desk and asked his secretary to bring him a fresh change of underwear.

As Strawberry Fields Forever played in the background on his I-pod MP3 player, PDQ NotBach answered, "Well Clinton Williams has been taking a long tea break he wrote on his last report sent us June 2nd of this year."

"He hasn't been back at his desk since June 2nd?" Gordon Brown looked shocked, "That is a long tea break." The Prime Minister downed the final sip of his month old cup of tea.

"Clinton Williams' tea break came to an end earlier today," PDQ NotBach replied as the Talking Heads sang on the i-pod Our house in the middle of our street... "after he was arrested in a morning raid in a Dublin bordello."

"Clinton Williams was arrested in a morning raid on a Dublin bordello?" Prime Minister Brown frowned.

"Yes," PDQ NotBach nodded.

"What?" Brown fumed, "Aren't our London bordellos good enough for him?".

"Apparently not," PDQ NotBach listened to Paddy O'Reilly singing... And watch the sun go down on Galway Bay... "the raid on the bordello probably never would have happened if one of the girls hadn't overcharged the Dublin police chief."

"Your fresh change of underwear, Mr. Brown," the secretary walked into the British Prime Minister's office.


* * *




As British Prime Minister Gordon Brown goes in for a fresh change of
underwear, what new tortures await British MI6 Agent Millo Wilson (youthful professor emiritus of Classics and Latin at Oxford University) at the hands of Russian vampiress Svetlana Kireeva? on this July 16th which is Harry Potter's birthday which is also Saint Vladimir's Day! (Saint Vladimir being one of the patron Saints of Russia)




Svetlana Kireeva says, "HAPPY SAINT VLADIMIR'S DAY, MR. WILSON!"