Dan Brown On The Feast Day of St. Mary Magdalene

Today July 22nd is the Feast Day of St. Mary Magdalene

On this Feast Day of St. Mary Magdalene after the sun had set over his estate's large garden in London, the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was meeting with a huge winged Red Dragon and a rather grotesque looking winged gargoyle of a creature.

"That Red Dragon," Amadeus Emanon pointed to the creature as he ate his peanut butter and pickle sandwich while sitting on a park bench in the garden, "isn't that the same Red Dragon that the Korean vampiress Kwan Yin battled with over the Great Wall of China back on 7/7/7 when the 7 Wonders of the Modern World were being announced?".

Renfield looked up from the Penthouse magazine he was reading, "Yes, I believe it is."

"Who's that other strange creature with him?" Amadeus asked as he opened the jar of pickles and the jar of peanut butter to make another sandwich.

"That weird winged thing that looks like it could pass for Hillary Rodham Clinton's identical twin brother you mean?" Renfield queried as he started to remove the staples from the Penthouse pin-up girl.

"That's the one," Amadeus nodded.

"That's Mammon the ancient Babylonian god of Banking and Commerce," Renfield replied.

"Is he the one that Christ talked about when He said 'You cannot serve both God and Mammon'?" Amadeus asked as he bit into his second peanut butter and pickle sandwich.

"He's the very same one but I wouldn't mention Christ's Name around here if I was you," Renfield started licking the centerfold pin-up.

"What are they talking about anyways?" Amadeus asked.

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set, the huge winged Red Dragon and the Babylonian demon god Mammon seemed to be having a very animated conversation.

"Barclay's Bank is hoping to buy control of the Dutch banking giant ABN," Renfield replied between swallowing staples, "and in order to buy control, Barclay's is going to raise about 10 billion pounds from the Chinese and the Singaporean governments in order to do so. If the deal goes ahead, the Beijing government will hold 7% of the shares in Barclay's and Temasek the investment arm of the Singaporean government will hold a 3% share in Barclay's."

"So I take it Set, the Red Dragon and Mammon are in favour of the deal?" Amadeus licked his fingers as the peanut butter and pickle slid gently down his throat.

"Yes," Renfield screamed as he accidently got a staple stuck in his tongue.

Meanwhile Mammon vomitted forth 3 ugly and grotesque frogs while the Red Dragon watched.

"Well, his supper mustn't have agreed with him," Amadeus helped himself to another slice of bread, some pickles and some peanut butter.


* * *


Wandering through southern France, the Spanish vampire Manuel de Rivera y Vargas received a text message on his cell phone from the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

The text message read, "The Egyptian vampire Set, the Red Dragon and the Babylonian demon god Mammon are setting themselves up as the new Unholy Trinity of the world this year."

Manuel paused to look in the direction of the local village church Saint Mary Magdalene's.

Manuel could recognize Da Vinci Code book author Dan Brown climbing the steeple of the Church. As he reached the top, Brown cried out, "O sweet Magdalene, Divine Incarnation of the Goddess Sophia, on this your Feast Day celebrated by the blasphemous Roman Catholic Church, if you are not who I believe you to be, then may the True Deity hit me with a thunderbolt where now I stand."

"Lemonade, monsieur?" a little girl at a lemonade stand asked the Spanish vampire as he stood in the street watching a thunderbolt coming out of the perfectly clear night sky. It hit Mr. Brown and sent the lighteningly illuminated writer tumbling forth to the ground.

"Merci, ma petite amie," Manuel put down a Euro note and helped himself to the glass of lemonade he was offered.

"Be careful what you wish for," a Red Dragon quoted that ancient Chinese saying as he flew overhead followed by a large dirigible of Bank of England pound notes.


The statue of Saint Mary Magdalene and the Church remained unaffected by the mysterious lightening strike of Saint Mary Magdalene's Night, July 22nd, 2007