The Way The Fortune Cookie Crumbles

"oh, I can't believe it," Harry Woo said on the phone to his Chinese mom from New York City, "Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad accused me of being gay after I interrupted his UN speech. And then he said he didn't have any gays in Iran. oh and afterwards I got a whole bunch of discount coupons to Turkish bath houses in New York given to me. oh, why do people think I need to take a bath... let alone a Turkish one?".

"And that Mr. President," Vice-President Dick Cheney pushed the stop button on the tape recorder, "is part of the conversation that our Homeland Security wiretapping team listened in on."

"Is that all?" President Bush asked.

"Yes," Vice-President Cheney nodded, "the rest of the wiretapping team simultaneously committed hari kari after listening to the rest of the conversation. We suspect that Mr. Woo is a Chinese agent of Beijing somehow trained in the mysterious ancient oriental arts of hypnosis and mind control. He has, we suspect, the ability to cloud men's minds and make them do things they wouldn't necessarily otherwise do."

"Hm, frightening," Bush mused, "I wonder what it's like to have a mind."

To be continued.