Qonzilqointec Visits Saint James' Hospital, London

Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec on Streets of London

The Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec walked down the streets of London.

And the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan walked right by her.

Hyung did not stop to look at Qonzilqointec because she didn't think that vampiresses appeared in daylight.

And that is usually the case.

But of course the Kremlin's East German scientist Comrade Nicht Werhoffen had developed a special sunscreen lotion for Her Highness that made the Aztec vampire princess' skin invulnerable to the sun's rays.

Qonzilqointec entered the doors of Saint James' Hospital- a place that Hyung Grace Kwan had just left.

She asked at the desk and was directed to the room of Dracul Van Helsing.

Princess Qonzilqointec opened the door and brought in a box of chocolate Turtles for Dracul Van Helsing- his favourite.

"So you were gunned down by a beautiful woman, I understand," Qonzilqointec smiled.

"Yes, I always seem to let my guard down around beautiful women," Dracul smiled back, "in fact when we first met, you were ripping out my heart and sacrificing me to the god Quetzalcoatl."

"That's water under the bridge," she answered.

"Reminds me of something a Teddy Kennedy speechwriter might write," Dracul noted.

"Anyhow, President Chavez will not be trying to bump you off again if he knows what's good for him," Qonzilqointec noted, "but I'm here to talk about something else."

"And what would that be?" Dracul helped himself to a turtle.

"A shapeshifter," Qonzilqointec answered, "The Golden Serpent of Persia."

"The one that speaks to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad," Dracul sampled the turtle, "the one that Mr. Ahmadinejad thinks is the incarnation of the Imam Mahdi."

"Yes," the Aztec vampiress nodded, "this gold serpentine Mahdi was the one behind the attack on Benazir Ali Bhutto's convoy when she returned to Pakistan. He's also behind the recent attack on that shopping mall in the Philippine capital of Manila."

"Yes," Dracul nodded, "the serpentine Mahdi is definitely up to something."

At that moment, Dracul's cell phone rang.

"Hello?" Dracul answered it.

Qonzilqointec could hear sobbing coming over the phone.

"I can't talk now," Dracul ended the conversation, "I've got important company."

"Who was that?" Qonzilqointec asked.

"Harry Woo," Dracul replied.

"Is he sobbing over the fact that you were shot?" Qonzilqointec asked.

"No, over the fact that his car broke down on his way to pick up two free tickets to a hockey game and he missed seeing the game," Dracul answered.

"What a loser," Qonzilqointec observed.

"Just wait until he finds out that Albus Dumbledore the headmaster of Hogwarts turns out to have been fruitier than a strawberry daquiri," Dracul smiled, "then he'll really have something to bawl about. I always found Dumbledore's always calling Harry... Potter that is... into his office VERY suspicious."

"What do you mean?" Qonzilqointec asked.

Dracul pointed at the Times of London headline, J.K. ROWLING TELLS NEW YORK AUDIENCE THAT ALBUS DUMBLEDORE WAS GAY.

To be continued.