Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell Bows Out
It was a Sunday night in Charleston the capital of West Virginia.
And US Democratic Presidential candidate Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell had called a press conference.
The little known Democratic presidential candidate had formally decided to bow out of the race.
He had called his first press conference back in early 2006 in New York City with much fanfare.
Back then the representatives of all the major newspapers and major news networks had been there as the Vice-President of Vidal Sassoon Hair Products formally announced that he was seeking the US Democratic Presidential nomination.
Now as the bald bi-spectacled Heathcliff sat with his Siamese cat Oysterella on his lap and announced that he was leaving the race, only the obituary writer from the Charleston Observer newspaper and an amateur VJ from the local cable Community Channel 10's Sunday night Music Video Show were present.
Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell had been backed by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set to be the next President of the United States.
Just like the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the Russian vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) were behind a Draft Al Gore movement for the Democratic Presidential nomination in 2008.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan were both supporting Illinois Senator Barack Obama.
And the ghost of Josef Stalin, the ghost of Mao Tse-tung and the ghost of Pol Pot had all formally endorsed New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton as their preferred candidate of choice.
Heathcliff had been willing to continue in the race until the Puerto Rico, South Dakota and Montana primaries on June 3rd.
But Set decided to stop financing the campaign on the advice of his Chief of Security and Intelligence and Espionage Renfield R. Renfield as well as the advice of his personal concert pianist and contract assasin Amadeus Emanon.
Renfield pointed out that Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell had no chance of winning the nomination and Set's billions would be better spent on tuna fish and mermaid sandwiches which Renfield enjoyed eating.
Amadeus Emanon used a similar argument save he had said that Set's billions would be better spent on take-out and delivery pizzas from various pizza parlours in and around London which Amadeus enjoyed eating.
So with his campaign financing gone, Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell decided to formally withdraw from the race.
Originally Heathcliff was not planning to endorse either one of his two opponents still left in the race- Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton.
That is until Heathcliff received a threatening phone call from former US President Bill Clinton just before the press conference.
"Now you listen to me, you cat-loving little pipsqueak twerp," Clinton said in his Arkansas draw, "you better not endorse Barack Obama if you know what's good for your cat's health. I know several vicious dogs I can set on your precious Oysterella."
Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell did not take kindly to being threatened.
Therefore he resolved to endorse Obama.
"Unlike certain ugly hags who have no fashion sense at all," Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell began his press conference in his Truman Capote sounding voice, "I know when to call it quits. Therefore I'm withdrawing from the race and formally endorsing Barack Obama the honourable gentleman from Illinois for the Democratic Presidential nomination this year..."
"Mr. Campbell," the Charleston Observer obituary writer called out, "what would you consider the highlight of your Presidential campaign?".
"I'd consider the highlight of my campaign giving Britney Spears a good and much needed spanking in public in Banff National Park up in Canada two years ago," Heathcliff stroked his pussy.
Oysterella purred contentedly.
"Heathcliff," the red-haired leather micro-mini skirted female disc jockey VJ from the local cable community channel Music Video Show spoke up, "would you accept the Vice-Presidential nomination from Mister Obama if it was offered to you?".
"I'd be most pleased to serve under Barack Obama," Heathcliif Dionysus Campbell adjusted the pink carnation in his suit lapel.
And US Democratic Presidential candidate Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell had called a press conference.
The little known Democratic presidential candidate had formally decided to bow out of the race.
He had called his first press conference back in early 2006 in New York City with much fanfare.
Back then the representatives of all the major newspapers and major news networks had been there as the Vice-President of Vidal Sassoon Hair Products formally announced that he was seeking the US Democratic Presidential nomination.
Now as the bald bi-spectacled Heathcliff sat with his Siamese cat Oysterella on his lap and announced that he was leaving the race, only the obituary writer from the Charleston Observer newspaper and an amateur VJ from the local cable Community Channel 10's Sunday night Music Video Show were present.
Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell had been backed by the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set to be the next President of the United States.
Just like the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec and the Russian vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) were behind a Draft Al Gore movement for the Democratic Presidential nomination in 2008.
Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan were both supporting Illinois Senator Barack Obama.
And the ghost of Josef Stalin, the ghost of Mao Tse-tung and the ghost of Pol Pot had all formally endorsed New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton as their preferred candidate of choice.
Heathcliff had been willing to continue in the race until the Puerto Rico, South Dakota and Montana primaries on June 3rd.
But Set decided to stop financing the campaign on the advice of his Chief of Security and Intelligence and Espionage Renfield R. Renfield as well as the advice of his personal concert pianist and contract assasin Amadeus Emanon.
Renfield pointed out that Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell had no chance of winning the nomination and Set's billions would be better spent on tuna fish and mermaid sandwiches which Renfield enjoyed eating.
Amadeus Emanon used a similar argument save he had said that Set's billions would be better spent on take-out and delivery pizzas from various pizza parlours in and around London which Amadeus enjoyed eating.
So with his campaign financing gone, Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell decided to formally withdraw from the race.
Originally Heathcliff was not planning to endorse either one of his two opponents still left in the race- Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton.
That is until Heathcliff received a threatening phone call from former US President Bill Clinton just before the press conference.
"Now you listen to me, you cat-loving little pipsqueak twerp," Clinton said in his Arkansas draw, "you better not endorse Barack Obama if you know what's good for your cat's health. I know several vicious dogs I can set on your precious Oysterella."
Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell did not take kindly to being threatened.
Therefore he resolved to endorse Obama.
"Unlike certain ugly hags who have no fashion sense at all," Heathcliff Dionysus Campbell began his press conference in his Truman Capote sounding voice, "I know when to call it quits. Therefore I'm withdrawing from the race and formally endorsing Barack Obama the honourable gentleman from Illinois for the Democratic Presidential nomination this year..."
"Mr. Campbell," the Charleston Observer obituary writer called out, "what would you consider the highlight of your Presidential campaign?".
"I'd consider the highlight of my campaign giving Britney Spears a good and much needed spanking in public in Banff National Park up in Canada two years ago," Heathcliff stroked his pussy.
Oysterella purred contentedly.
"Heathcliff," the red-haired leather micro-mini skirted female disc jockey VJ from the local cable community channel Music Video Show spoke up, "would you accept the Vice-Presidential nomination from Mister Obama if it was offered to you?".
"I'd be most pleased to serve under Barack Obama," Heathcliif Dionysus Campbell adjusted the pink carnation in his suit lapel.
posted by Christopher @ 8:22 PM
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