Nero Wilson
The Obama Inauguration had come and gone.
Osiris had appeared to Barack Obama in the Oval Office that night of the Inauguration.
Shapeshifting into a hamster, Renfield R. Renfield had planted a minature tape recorder in the Oval Office to record the conversation.
But after retrieving the tape and then leaving his room temporarily to make himself a tuna fish and mermaid sandwich, he returned to find that Amadeus Emanon had pushed the wrong button and had a gap of silence on the tape far longer than Nixon's famed 17 1/2 minute gap on one of his White House tape recordings.
As for the vampiress Sekhmet, she was kidnapped by Isis and forced fed a diet of ancient Egyptian beer mixed with Mott's Clamato juice which finally cured her of her Set-induced hypnotic blood lust.
Suffering severe memory loss as a result of her hangover, Sekhmet wandered the streets of Cleveland, Ohio wondering how she got there.
She passed a group of ice fishermen who were sworn at by their neighbours who shouted at them, "How does it feel to be an idiot?".
Apparently the men had managed to get themselves caught on an ice floe on Lake Erie which led to an expensive rescue operation.
She noticed an ice cream and malt shop on a street corner and decided to go inside.
She ordered a tiger's eye milkshake and sat down at the counter.
"I can't believe it," said a man sitting next to her.
"What?" she asked the man.
"Well," explained the man, "I'm a high school principal and the student who's given me the most trouble this year is named Nero Wilson. And I discovered at Parent-Teacher Interview tonight that his sleazily dressed mother who thinks her son can do no wrong- it turns out she's actually named Agrippina."
"Agrippina and Nero," Sekhmet laughed, "History repeats itself."
"I'm glad you get my historical analogy," the principal smiled, "not too many people would get that."
"I actually met both Agrippina and Nero," said Sekhmet whose memory was now starting to return at mention of the names Nero and Agrippina.
"Uh huh," the principal looked at her wearily, "ok- kaaa- yyy!"
He hastily paid his bill and left.
The principal had left behind a set of notes he had jotted down.
They were dealing with Nero Wilson. Apparently the kid was actually a good violinist (like the original Nero) and intended to start his own rock band with himself as lead electrical violinist (unlike the original Nero but probably only because there were no electrical violins in those days).
Sekhmet finished her tiger's eye milkshake and then paid her bill.
Her memory of American currency had now returned to her as well.
"The economic stimulus bill could actually surpass $2 trillion if you look at the small print..." a voice on the radio intoned, "does Congress know what they're doing?".
Sekhmet walked down the street and into a residential neighbourhood.
Outside the garage of a house, she encountered what appeared to be a 17-year-old boy crying,
The boy was heavyset with dark curly hair and wore glasses.
He was crying over spilled milk and played the violin as he did.
"Are you Nero Wilson?" she asked noting the resemblance of the boy to the Nero Wilson described in the principal's notes that she read at the soda counter of the malt shop.
"Yes," the boy snivelled, "how did you know?".
"Lucky guess," she smiled at him, "why are you crying?".
"I knocked this glass of milk over, I can't find a lead singer for my band Nero Wilson and the New Romans, and my mother wants me to be Mayor of Cleveland when I grow up," the boy whimpered uncontrollably.
"Well, I can't help you about your first problem," Sekhmet smiled, "nor your third. But I can help you with your second. I can sing."
"Can you?" Nero Wilson stopped snivelling.
He thought to himself, Wow, a hot-looking chick like this who could sing. It would do wonders for his band not to mention his bedtime masturbatory fantasies.
"Would you be willing to join my band and be our lead singer?" Nero Wilson asked.
"Yes," Sekhmet nodded.
"YES!" Nero Wilson jumped up in the air.
"Nero," a shrill female voice screamed from the back yard, "what are you doing?".
Mrs. Agrippina Wilson was practising for her Cleveland Polar Bears Club swim by doing the back stroke in her outdoor swimming pool which was quickly icing up in the frigid temperatures.
On the Public Radio station she was listening to, former Vice-President Al Gore spoke of the dangers of global warming.
"Mother," Nero Wilson spat the word out like Anthony Perkins in the Alfred Hitchcock movie Psycho.
"The Earth is our mother," Al Gore waxed enthusiastically to his listeners.
"You need to get away from your mother," Sekhmet spoke in a matter-of-fact fashion.
"Are you talking to me or Al Gore?" Nero asked.
To be continued.
Osiris had appeared to Barack Obama in the Oval Office that night of the Inauguration.
Shapeshifting into a hamster, Renfield R. Renfield had planted a minature tape recorder in the Oval Office to record the conversation.
But after retrieving the tape and then leaving his room temporarily to make himself a tuna fish and mermaid sandwich, he returned to find that Amadeus Emanon had pushed the wrong button and had a gap of silence on the tape far longer than Nixon's famed 17 1/2 minute gap on one of his White House tape recordings.
As for the vampiress Sekhmet, she was kidnapped by Isis and forced fed a diet of ancient Egyptian beer mixed with Mott's Clamato juice which finally cured her of her Set-induced hypnotic blood lust.
Suffering severe memory loss as a result of her hangover, Sekhmet wandered the streets of Cleveland, Ohio wondering how she got there.
She passed a group of ice fishermen who were sworn at by their neighbours who shouted at them, "How does it feel to be an idiot?".
Apparently the men had managed to get themselves caught on an ice floe on Lake Erie which led to an expensive rescue operation.
She noticed an ice cream and malt shop on a street corner and decided to go inside.
She ordered a tiger's eye milkshake and sat down at the counter.
"I can't believe it," said a man sitting next to her.
"What?" she asked the man.
"Well," explained the man, "I'm a high school principal and the student who's given me the most trouble this year is named Nero Wilson. And I discovered at Parent-Teacher Interview tonight that his sleazily dressed mother who thinks her son can do no wrong- it turns out she's actually named Agrippina."
"Agrippina and Nero," Sekhmet laughed, "History repeats itself."
"I'm glad you get my historical analogy," the principal smiled, "not too many people would get that."
"I actually met both Agrippina and Nero," said Sekhmet whose memory was now starting to return at mention of the names Nero and Agrippina.
"Uh huh," the principal looked at her wearily, "ok- kaaa- yyy!"
He hastily paid his bill and left.
The principal had left behind a set of notes he had jotted down.
They were dealing with Nero Wilson. Apparently the kid was actually a good violinist (like the original Nero) and intended to start his own rock band with himself as lead electrical violinist (unlike the original Nero but probably only because there were no electrical violins in those days).
Sekhmet finished her tiger's eye milkshake and then paid her bill.
Her memory of American currency had now returned to her as well.
"The economic stimulus bill could actually surpass $2 trillion if you look at the small print..." a voice on the radio intoned, "does Congress know what they're doing?".
Sekhmet walked down the street and into a residential neighbourhood.
Outside the garage of a house, she encountered what appeared to be a 17-year-old boy crying,
The boy was heavyset with dark curly hair and wore glasses.
He was crying over spilled milk and played the violin as he did.
"Are you Nero Wilson?" she asked noting the resemblance of the boy to the Nero Wilson described in the principal's notes that she read at the soda counter of the malt shop.
"Yes," the boy snivelled, "how did you know?".
"Lucky guess," she smiled at him, "why are you crying?".
"I knocked this glass of milk over, I can't find a lead singer for my band Nero Wilson and the New Romans, and my mother wants me to be Mayor of Cleveland when I grow up," the boy whimpered uncontrollably.
"Well, I can't help you about your first problem," Sekhmet smiled, "nor your third. But I can help you with your second. I can sing."
"Can you?" Nero Wilson stopped snivelling.
He thought to himself, Wow, a hot-looking chick like this who could sing. It would do wonders for his band not to mention his bedtime masturbatory fantasies.
"Would you be willing to join my band and be our lead singer?" Nero Wilson asked.
"Yes," Sekhmet nodded.
"YES!" Nero Wilson jumped up in the air.
"Nero," a shrill female voice screamed from the back yard, "what are you doing?".
Mrs. Agrippina Wilson was practising for her Cleveland Polar Bears Club swim by doing the back stroke in her outdoor swimming pool which was quickly icing up in the frigid temperatures.
On the Public Radio station she was listening to, former Vice-President Al Gore spoke of the dangers of global warming.
"Mother," Nero Wilson spat the word out like Anthony Perkins in the Alfred Hitchcock movie Psycho.
"The Earth is our mother," Al Gore waxed enthusiastically to his listeners.
"You need to get away from your mother," Sekhmet spoke in a matter-of-fact fashion.
"Are you talking to me or Al Gore?" Nero asked.
To be continued.
posted by Christopher @ 7:33 PM
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