Qonzilqointec Looks At Hybrids

Princess Qonzilqointec was standing there in a tight fitting red evening dress.

Amadeus Emanon could feel an erection coming on.

Renfield could feel a yawn coming on.

He hadn't been getting much sleep lately. The shapeshifting hamster had only just returned from Russia where he had been secretly filming Russian President Vladimir Putin in various porno movie and Kama Sutra positions with his new 20-something girlfriend.

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was escorting Princess Qonzilqointec around his laboratory where he was showing off the various human-animal hybrid creations that his company Set Enterprises was working on.

The human-animal hybrids were part of a project that Set was working on called Project Chimera.

"This is our cow-woman," Set pointed to the creature that was part cow and part human female.

"She bears a remarkable resemblance to Hillary Rodham Clinton," Qonzilqointec noted.

"Indeed," Set agreed.

"And this is our ape-man," Set pointed to the creature that was part male gorilla and part male human.

"He could pass for the lead guitarist in a Heavy Metal band," Qonzilqointec smiled.

"That's true," Set nodded, "in fact Renfield's been teaching him how to play electric guitar."

"I didn't know you knew how to play electric guitar," Amadeus turned to Renfield.

"I don't," Renfield answered, "but neither do most Heavy Metal guitarists."

"So what are you ultimately working on?" Qonzilqointec asked.

"Well we've managed to obtain a sample of what we believe to be the blood of Christ, a tooth that we believe belonged to Buddha, the foreskin that belonged to King David and the asshole of Islam's founder Mohammed. We're going to combine these with the DNA of a giant snake and see what the end result will be," Set grinned.

"Sounds like a potential guest that Oprah would rave about on her TV program," Amadeus whispered to Renfield.

"O Brave New World," Qonzilqointec walked out on to the balcony of the Set Enterprises Tower in London and lay across it, "that has such wonders in it."


"O Brave New World that has such wonders in it."

Qonzilqointec's Strategy For Al Gore

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was sitting in a London hotel room.

The Russian vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been the Russian Communist Leon Trotsky) the current head of the UN Secretariat on the Environment and Climate Change bowed to the Princess as she sat on the sofa in her gold evening dress.

"I congratulate you on your superior intellect, Princess," Lev Tomi spoke as he bowed.

"There are some lone rangers who might say that intellect is not the same as intelligence," Qonzilqointec smiled, "so I don't know if that's a compliment."

"And did not your lover Dracul Van Helsing say of such lone rangers that's the reason they wear a mask? To hide the fact that they have neither intellect or intelligence," Tomi answered.

Qonzilqointec laughed, "Yes, the Drac-Man did say such a thing."

"But I'm complimenting you on your strategy to put Al Gore into the White House this November," Tomi smiled, "you said you were going to do it without having Gore run for the nomination. I didn't think it was possible for such a thing to be done but it appears you're close to doing it."

"Yes, it appears that neither Hillary nor Obama will have enough delegates to actually win the nomination without the support of the majority of the superdelegates (delegates who are automatic delegates- not delegates chosen in caucuses or primaries) on the first ballot. And I'm going to get the majority of the superdelegates to abstain on the first ballot which will mean neither Hillary nor Obama will win on the first ballot. Which means there will be a second ballot. Which means there will then be an open convention. And since both Hillary and Obama's supporters now hate one another with a fierce intensity, that will be the moment when a Draft Gore motion will hit the convention floor. Since only Al Gore will be able to unite the Democratic Party as only Al Gore will be acceptable to both Hillary and Obama supporters," Qonzilqointec smiled.

"How will you get the majority of the superdelegates to abstain on the first ballot?" Lev Tomi asked.

"Through compromising photos and blackmail," Qonzilqointec laughed a most feminine femme fatale film noir laugh.

Tomi guffawed the guffaw of a Russian Marxist.

"I already have several compromising photos already on one superdelegate who I will be forcing to abstain at the last moment,"
Qonzilqointec reached for the caviar.

"And who is that one superdelegate?" Tomi raised an eyebrow behind his glasses.

"Well to quote the rabbi in Elaine Benes' building on the Seinfeld TV show," Qonzilqointec winked, "let's call him... Bill (Clinton)."


To be continued.