Stake In The Heart on Saint Matthias' Day
Rex Saturn had lived a long time.
He had been born in Los Angeles back in 1900.
He became a part of LA's beginning film industry back in 1921.
He had worked as an actor in both silent and talkies (never any big parts) throughout the '20s and '30s.
Then starting in 1942, he went behind the scenes as an anonymous financial backer for various movies.
No one knew where his money had come from.
The truth was he had become a vampire back on February 24th 1942- 69 years ago tonight- in Los Angeles.
He had been turned into a vampire by the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec.
She had made him an offer- immortality for becoming her tool in the Hollywood film industry.
And now 69 years later- he had come to the conclusion that immortality wasn't all that it was cracked up to be- at least living a vampiric existence of immortality anyways.
And so Rex Saturn stood there this evening looking at the white picket fence of a quaint little house in Los Angeles.
He had never lived in a quaint little house with a white picket fence.
When he was poor, he had always lived in apartments.
When he became rich, he always lived in mansions.
Anyways one of the posts of the white picket fence made for a nice wooden stake.
He jumped out of a tree and impaled himself on the post.
His body then immediately disintegrated as its vampiric blood left it.
* * *
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was dining in an exclusive restaurant in downtown Los Angeles.
She wore a pale green evening dress, a diamond tiara and a diamond necklace.
She sat there waiting for Rex Saturn to show up.
She was to meet him this evening and they were to discuss plans on what Hollywood productions she would be financing over the next year.
She noticed her chauffeur approach.
Why was Rex not with him?
"Your Highness," the chauffeur bowed, "I have some bad news. As I was driving to go pick up Mr. Saturn, I noticed he deliberately jumped out of a tree and impaled himself on a white picket fence. He's now nothing but dust."
"That traitor," the vampiress banged her pale green gloved fist on the table, "after all I did for him too."
* * *
In a tent just outside the Libyan capital of Tripoli, British MP Magog Rhys Petley was waiting to meet Libyan leader Col. Muammar Gaddafi.
He was ushered into the tent just as Col. Gaddafi was trying to strike with his fists at a giant beating human heart suspended in mid-air just in front of him.
"Art thou not fatal vision sensible to feeling as to sight?" Col. Gaddafi addressed the heart just before it disappeared.
Magog Rhys Petley thought to himself that this was the worst performance of Macbeth that he had ever seen.
* * *
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec thought to herself that this was the best performance of Macbeth that she had ever seen.
She had dropped into an amateur theatre company's playhouse near the boundaries of North Hollywood to see if she could find a young actor to replace the now deceased Rex Saturn.
And she had found him.
She smiled.
And delicately licked her vampiric fangs.
She was going to make this young man an offer he couldn't refuse.
To be continued.
He had been born in Los Angeles back in 1900.
He became a part of LA's beginning film industry back in 1921.
He had worked as an actor in both silent and talkies (never any big parts) throughout the '20s and '30s.
Then starting in 1942, he went behind the scenes as an anonymous financial backer for various movies.
No one knew where his money had come from.
The truth was he had become a vampire back on February 24th 1942- 69 years ago tonight- in Los Angeles.
He had been turned into a vampire by the Aztec Vampire Princess Qonzilqointec.
She had made him an offer- immortality for becoming her tool in the Hollywood film industry.
And now 69 years later- he had come to the conclusion that immortality wasn't all that it was cracked up to be- at least living a vampiric existence of immortality anyways.
And so Rex Saturn stood there this evening looking at the white picket fence of a quaint little house in Los Angeles.
He had never lived in a quaint little house with a white picket fence.
When he was poor, he had always lived in apartments.
When he became rich, he always lived in mansions.
Anyways one of the posts of the white picket fence made for a nice wooden stake.
He jumped out of a tree and impaled himself on the post.
His body then immediately disintegrated as its vampiric blood left it.
* * *
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was dining in an exclusive restaurant in downtown Los Angeles.
She wore a pale green evening dress, a diamond tiara and a diamond necklace.
She sat there waiting for Rex Saturn to show up.
She was to meet him this evening and they were to discuss plans on what Hollywood productions she would be financing over the next year.
She noticed her chauffeur approach.
Why was Rex not with him?
"Your Highness," the chauffeur bowed, "I have some bad news. As I was driving to go pick up Mr. Saturn, I noticed he deliberately jumped out of a tree and impaled himself on a white picket fence. He's now nothing but dust."
"That traitor," the vampiress banged her pale green gloved fist on the table, "after all I did for him too."
* * *
In a tent just outside the Libyan capital of Tripoli, British MP Magog Rhys Petley was waiting to meet Libyan leader Col. Muammar Gaddafi.
He was ushered into the tent just as Col. Gaddafi was trying to strike with his fists at a giant beating human heart suspended in mid-air just in front of him.
"Art thou not fatal vision sensible to feeling as to sight?" Col. Gaddafi addressed the heart just before it disappeared.
Magog Rhys Petley thought to himself that this was the worst performance of Macbeth that he had ever seen.
* * *
The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec thought to herself that this was the best performance of Macbeth that she had ever seen.
She had dropped into an amateur theatre company's playhouse near the boundaries of North Hollywood to see if she could find a young actor to replace the now deceased Rex Saturn.
And she had found him.
She smiled.
And delicately licked her vampiric fangs.
She was going to make this young man an offer he couldn't refuse.
To be continued.
posted by Christopher @ 7:40 PM
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