Anushka Arundathi

This was a room in the Lincoln Memorial that Dracul Van Helsing couldn't recall having seen before and on the throne in the middle of the room sat the Hindu vampiress Anushka Arundathi.

"Greetings, Van Helsing," Anushka smiled.

"Anushka Arundathi," Dracul acknowledged, "I've heard of you. What brings you from India to Washington D.C.?".

"I'm here for Barack Obama's Inauguration," Anushka replied, "Like everyone else."

"Yes, millions of people are here for the Inauguration," Dracul stated, "and there seem to be thousands of vampires here as well."

"There were," Anushka smiled, "but you and Hyung Grace Kwan have killed a number of them off."

"Only those vampiric Undead who don't show the proper respect and etiquette towards mortals," Dracul held to his Crossbow.

"Yes," Anushka smiled, "I also understand vampiresses who are incredibly sexy don't have to worry about being slain by you either."

"Well..." Dracul couldn't think of anything to say.

"The cat (woman) got your tongue," Anushka laughed.


"The cat (woman) got your tongue?"

"The cat woman didn't get my tongue," said Dracul, "but she got dozens of others including National Enquirer reporter
Floyd Hardscotch."

"Yes, I've heard Sekhmet's on the warpath again," Anushka stood up.

"Yes, I wonder what's gotten into her?" Dracul pondered the question.

"Well, nothing's gotten into me for quite a while," Anushka sighed.

"That seems a pity," Dracul went over and kissed her passionately on the lips.

Soon Dracul Van Helsing vampire hunter and Anushka Arundathi vampiress were making love on the floor of the Lincoln Memorial while outside on the steps country singer Garth Brooks sang for the Obama pre-Inauguration concert, "But then I'd have missed the dance..."


Once again the face of the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set materialized in the house where the shapeshifting lioness vampiress of ancient Egypt Sekhmet was staying and there under Set's hypnotic spell, he ordered her to walk the streets of D.C. again in search of blood.

Isis In Washington D.C.

There sitting in his hotel room was the Egyptian vampiress Isis.

Dracul Van Helsing was glad the South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan wasn't here.

She'd be ticked to know that a vampiress was in the hotel room.

Fortunately for Dracul, South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan was riding in the Inaugural train with the party of U.S. President-elect Barack Obama. She was insuring that the Abe Lincoln Presidential Express train wasn't attacked by vampires.

"Hello Dracul," Isis smiled.

"Hello Isis," Dracul replied, "Long time no see."

"I suppose you know Sekhmet's in town," Isis flung back her hair.

"Yes, I saw her last night," Dracul nodded, "and unfortunately for National Enquirer reporter Floyd Hardscotch, he saw her as well."

"Hardscotch was an ass and he paid the price," Isis shrugged.

"Dick Cheney better watch out if Sekhmet's going after asses then," Dracul noted.

Isis laughed.

Then she crossed her legs, "So are you going after Sekhmet then?".

She glanced in the direction of Dracul Van Helsing's crossbow that fired Holy Water blessed silver arrows.

"Sekhmet seems to be on a bloodlust hunt," Dracul said, "and vampire hunters are sworn to protect mortals from the vampiric Undead."

"But Sekhmet is a friend of mine," Isis frowned.

"I know," Dracul replied, "that's why I didn't fire an arrow at her last night."

"I hear one of your arrows accidently shot Episcopal Bishop Vicki Gene Robinson in the butt," Isis laughed.

"Yes, he was screaming about a pain in the ass and a burning sensation," Dracul recalled, "probably the first time His Episcopal Fruitiness complained about having a pain and a burning sensation in the ass. I'd be inclined to think he'd usually enjoy that sort of thing."

"It was probably the Holy Water that got to him," Isis said, "he probably couldn't stand that."

"Yes, Holy Water and a prayer invoking Jesus' Name seems to give the bishop an agony he doesn't really enjoy," Dracul agreed.

"So you're going after Sekhmet?" Isis asked again.

"Well, if you can stop her from further attacks, I won't," Dracul sat down in a chair across from Isis, "why are there so many Egyptian deities in town anyway?".

"Osiris will be visiting the day of the Inauguration," Isis answered.

"Really, I thought the planetary conjunctions you Egyptian ancients follow didn't allow for his coming to Earth again until 2012," Dracul was surprised at this bit of news.

The Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl wasn't returning until 2012 as well.

That's why there was a battle going on between Isis and the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec.

Isis wanted herself and her husband Osiris to rule the one world government that was prophecied for the year 2012 while Princess Qonzilqointec wanted herself and her stepfather Quetzalcoatl to rule the world.

The vampire Osiris was currently confined by celestial forces to the star Sirius while Quetzalcoatl was confined to Saturn's moon Titan.

"What will Osiris be doing in Washington D.C. at Obama's Inauguration?" Dracul asked.

"That's between Osiris and myself," Isis smiled.

"I imagine your evil brother also brother-in-law being one and the same entity, Set is also in town," Dracul walked over to the window and closed it.

The window came down on the fingers of Renfield R. Renfield the evil shapeshifting hamster who was Chief of Security and Intelligence for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set.

Renfield let out a piercing scream and fell off the ledge.

He landed on the balcony below where Amadeus Emanon the genetically cloned (cloned from the DNA of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Charles Manson and British actor Alan Rickman) personal concert pianist to Set was having an ice cream cone.

"Did you find out what you were looking for?" Amadeus licked a falling snowflake off the ice cream.

"Isis is here and so is Sekhmet," Renfield answered.

"What about Osiris?" Amadeus engulfed the ice cream as the wind blew snow around him, "I think Boss wanted to know when Osiris is coming."

"He'll be right here on Inauguration Day," Renfield grinned wickedly.

Meanwhile in the hotel room above Renfield and Amadeus, with plenty of time to kill, Isis made out with Dracul Van Helsing.



After making love to Dracul Van Helsing, Isis then went and performed at one of the weekend gala concerts in Washington D.C. in honour of Barack Obama's Inauguration.

Sekhmet In Washington DC

"I must go, Dracul Van Helsing."

With those words, the mysterious woman vanished.

Dracul Van Helsing the world famous vampire hunter was out walking the streets of Washington DC to clear the streets of the city of vampires prior to Barack Obama's Inauguration next Tuesday.

Dracul Van Helsing had noticed the mysterious woman sitting there on the park bench.

When he approached her, she vanished.

"Good evening, Mr. Van Helsing," he heard a voice behind him.

He turned.

It was Floyd Hardscotch a reporter for the National Enquirer.

"Looking for more vampire pictures, Floyd?" Dracul asked.

"Of course," Floyd grinned, "although I'm looking even more for signs of a lion-headed woman said to be walking the streets of Washington DC."

"Lion-headed woman?" Dracul wondered if Hardscotch had been into the hard scotch.

"Yes," Hardscotch nodded, "there are reports that a beautiful woman walks the streets of Washington and when men seek to go to bed with her, she accepts. But when they get into the bedroom, she turns into a lion and rips their heads off and then sucks their blood."

"Intriguing," Dracul said.

He now knew who the woman on the park bench was.

He recognized her as the shape-shifting Egyptian vampiress Sekhmet who had been worshipped as a lion-headed goddess by the ancient Egyptians.

"Well, you better be careful then," Dracul took his crossbow and his Holy Water dipped silver arrows and continued walking down the street.

Floyd Hardscotch returned to his hotel room.

As he entered, he was pleased to discover the young girl he had picked up in the hotel lounge earlier that night was still waiting for him.



How like a cat she looked, Floyd Hardscotch thought.

Due to the excessive party atmosphere in the hotel as people celebrated the upcoming Obama Inauguration, no one heard
Floyd Hardscotch's screams.

Communist Vampires In Washington DC

Lev Tomi, secretary-general of the UN Secretariat on the Environment and Climate Change was in Washington D.C.

Ready for the inauguration of U.S. President-elect Barack Obama.

Tomi (who in his unvampiric mortal life had been Leon Trotsky) was aware there were other Communist vampires in Washington D.C. for the Obama inaugural.

That is until he received a message on his cell phone that they had just been knocked off by Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing and South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan.

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec advised Tomi to immediately leave town so he did.

Tomi turned into a bat and took off.

He flew past the Lincoln memorial where New Hampshire's sodomite Episcopalian Bishop Vicki Gene Robinson was busy praying to the Canaanite demon god Moloch.

Saddleback pastor Rick Warren (who had been dubbed by World Trivia champion Jack Morrow as Brokeback pastor) was explaining to a Muslim how Christ and Buddha were one and the same entity.

Dracul Van Helsing who was aware of the pagan apostates gathering in Washington D.C. knew these people were more dangerous than Communist vampires.

However it was illegal to kill mortals so these apostates moved about unmolested by vampire hunters and vampire hunteresses.

South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan had dyed her hair blonde for the Barack Obama Inauguration.