Barack Obama Talks To Jimmy Carter

"Senator Obama," his aide whispered into the young Illinois Senator's ear, "former US President Jimmy Carter is on the phone. He wants to talk to you."

"Really?" Senator Obama smiled. Was the former US President and noted humanitarian going to endorse him for President like the Kennedy family had?

Senator Obama went into a quiet solitary room and picked up the phone.

"Good evening, Mr. President," Senator Obama said as soon as he had picked up the receiver.

"Good evening, Senator," former President Carter said in his soothing Georgia accent, "I'm phoning you to brief you about certain geopolitical events that are going on across this continent and in the hemisphere of the Americas."

"Geopolitical events?" Senator Obama was surprised by the nature of the call and yet the former President must have confidence in him (Senator Obama) to phone him to discuss geopolitical events.

"Yes," Jimmy Carter cleared his throat, "tell me, have you ever heard of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec?".

"Well, I've heard rumours that a 400-year-old vampiress who's a Princess of the Aztecs is supposed to be alive and kicking in the world today," Senator Obama noted, "certain Marxists and Trotskyites are talking about her all the time."

"Yes," Carter laughed, "she's become an obsession with Marxists and Trotskyites and pro-Hugo Chavez people."

"Which may explain why Bill and Hillary Rodham Clinton's foreign policy team is so obsessed with the Princess," Obama noted dryly.

"Yes," Carter agreed, "she's formed an axis with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and Bolivian President Evo Morales and Cuban President Fidel Castro to eventually establish a totalitarian dictatorship over all of Latin America."

"I've heard she's the pushing force behind a Draft Al Gore movement in our party," Obama sighed.

"Yes, she's behind Al Gore for the Democrats," Carter spoke with some earnestness, "and she's backing Mitt Romney for the Republicans. Those are her two eggs in the basket of US politics."

"She's backing Mitt Romney for the Republicans," Obama was incredulous, "why?".

"Because Mitt Romney is a Mormon and the Mormon Church believes that Christ and Quetzalcoatl is one and the same individual," Carter explained.

"And why would that lead Qonzilqointec to back Romney?" Obama asked.

"Because the Princess is also a High Priestess of the human sacrifice cannibalistic Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl," Carter answered.

To be continued.

Qonzilqointec Video For Dracul Van Helsing

Music video of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec
playing the gypsy girl Esmeralda


Dracul Van Helsing gazed appreciatively at the music video the Aztec vampire Princess Qonzilqointec had sent him.

Attached to the video was a note saying she'd be attending the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland this week.

PS she wrote: "I know you'll love me as Esmeralda. Hugs, Qonzie."

She certainly got that right, Dracul smiled to himself.

She had also attached a photo slideshow of herself giving a speech at the recent Bali Conference on Climate Change where her two puppets Al Gore and the vampire Lev Tomi (in mortal life Leon Trotsky) were also present. Included in this slideshow were ads she had done promoting a new wine she was making.

"I made these ads deliberately erotic and sensuous just for you, Drackie," she wrote in a PPS.

"Many thanks indeed," Dracul Van Helsing blew her a kiss on his Samsung cell phone webcam.

She would be stopping in London to see him next week.

Daydream Believer And A Screen Movie Queen

Veronica Lake was appearing in Amadeus Emanon's dream

Amadeus awoke feeling very very happy.

He glanced at the computer screen and realized that he had fallen asleep at his keyboard.

He read his email.

It was an email from Renfield saying that he'd be staying in Islamabad for a couple of more days torturing Muslim terrorist prisoners and then he'd be stopping in Tokyo for a dish of fresh live Japanese mermaid at his favourite sushi restaurant and then he'd be flying home taking the polar route over the North Pole to London.

Yawn! Amadeus closed his eyes and dreamed once more of Veronica Lake:



Awake again, he read an email from the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec to his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set. In it, Qonzilqointec was complaining that in her opinion Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner was too pretty to be President of Argentina.

Amadeus vehemently disagreed. Ever since Senora Kirchner had been elected President of Argentina, Amadeus had started to follow Argentinian politics with interest- something that he had never done before.

Minutes later, he was asleep at the keyboard again. Once more he dreamed of Veronica Lake:



Awake again, he then read an email from the Aztec princess to Set on the subject of the US Presidential election. In it, the royal vampiress expressed her opinion that she thought Hillary Rodham Clinton was too ugly to be President of the United States.

On this issue, Amadeus was in total agreement with the vampiric Princess. He imagined that if Ms. Clinton was elected President, within days of the old bat's inauguration the amount of people viewing the news in America would drop to practically nil. Not to mention the tremendous increase in homosexual orientation among males that would probably result in America.

Amadeus shivered at the image of the Wicked Witch of the East sitting in the Oval Office and instead thought of more pleasant things.

He fell asleep again dreaming that Veronica Lake was on stage singing to him:



Amadeus awoke again momentarily to view an on-line BBC News Story saying that a group of mermaids were plotting the death of his co-employee the shapeshifting hamster Renfield R. Renfield (the R stood for Renfield).

That would be alright, Amadeus thought to himself. He didn't approve of Renfield's habit of eating mermaids. Amadeus thought mermaids were quite pretty- unlike woman candidates for the US Presidency.

Besides if the mermaids knocked off Renfield, that would mean more slices of pizza left over for him (Amadeus) when they ordered take-out delivery in the Set household.

Amadeus fell asleep again and once more dreamed of Veronica Lake:



This time when he awoke he reached for the London Yellow Pages Phone Directory and found the number for Alfredo's where upon he placed an order for Fettucini Alfredo and the Deluxe Mediterranean Pizza.

As he put the phone down, he returned to dreaming of Veronica Lake:

Renfield's Torture Wields Results

Renfield's torture of Muslim terrorist prisoners in Pakistan had wielded results.

A 15-year-old boy and a 7-year-old boy had been arrested and charged in the death of Benazir Bhutto.

"A job well done," Renfield thought to himself as he ate a mermaid and salmon salad sandwich.

The mermaid had been caught in the Indian Ocean by a fisherman Renfield had hired to fish specifically for mermaids.

In the background, screams could still be heard coming from the interrogation chamber.

Why stop a good thing just because someone has been arrested? Renfield thought to himself as he downed the last of the mermaid and salmon salad sandwich and washed it down with a pint of Guinness.

"Belch," Renfield expressed himself.

As Renfield looked at the US and world economic news on the business page of the India Times, he could understand why his boss the billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set had started to pull out of the stock market and invest in gold this past year.

It was Renfield's understanding that the Aztec vampire Princess Qonzilqointec was doing the same thing as well.

Renfield choked on his Guinness as he thought about the Aztec vampiress Qonzilqointec.

Why was Her Vampiric Highness always being mentioned in pro-Trotskyite and pro-Hugo Chavez sites on the Net?

A biography of Leon Trotsky posted on the Net even mentioned that Princess Qonzilqointec was the one who had turned Leon Trotsky into a vampire.

Why was Qonzilqointec being mentioned all the time and not him Renfield the greatest shape-shifting hamster torturer in all recorded history?

Perhaps now that he had cracked open the Benazir Bhutto case Renfield thought to himself as he cracked open a walnut with his hamster teeth, perhaps his name Renfield would finally be mentioned on the Net.

To be continued.

Renfield Looks Ahead

The shape-shifting hamster Renfield was having great fun torturing the Muslim terrorist prisoner.

"I had nothing to do with the assasination of Benazir Bhutto, I swear," the man screamed as Renfield applied electric shock therapy to the man's testicles.

Set Enterprises had been hired as a private consultant to work with Scotland Yard in its investigation of Mrs. Bhutto's death at the request of the Musharraf government.

And Set had sent over his chief of security and espionage Renfield to do the job.

Despite not losing track of the amount of electrical shocks given to the men brought into his office for questioning, Renfield still found time to analyze geopolitical events.

Argentinian President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner still had a good relationship with Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez despite the efforts of the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec to throw cold water (and a German Gestapo vampire Herr Balde) onto the political alliance.

Lev Tomi (in mortal life Leon Trotsky) the vampiric head of the UN Secretariat on the Environment and Climate Change was still trotting all over the globe with former US Vice-President Al Gore trying to recruit the world's population into pagan earth mother goddess Gaia worship.

And the golden serpent Maitreya's stooge Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (whom the shapeshifting serpent had brainwashed into thinking that he Maitreya was the Imam Mahdi) was still trying to start a war with the United States.

Meanwhile a joint genetic experiment that Set Enterprises had worked with the Kremlin labs in Russia called the Tsarevich experiment was a failure. The genetically cloned being Tsarevich had died after eating his mentor the vampire Rasputin's borsch soup and sweetgrass perogies.

However Vladimir Putin would still continue to be Prime Minister of Russia after giving up the Presidency this March (after all Putin had already rigged the election to make sure his hand-picked and anointed successor would win) and so Set Enterprises would still have a valuable ally in power in the Kremlin.

All in all things were still looking rosy for the London-based billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set and his right-hand shapeshifting hamster Renfield.

Things were not looking rosy for the Muslim terrorist whose testicles were turning blue however.

To be continued.