North Korean Attack and The Rumblings of Powers and Principalities

The Trappist monk Brother Jim Gallant and his Saint Bernard dog Samson met Dracul Van Helsing in a Parisienne sidewalk cafe.

Crazy Pierre's was one of the few Parisienne sidewalk cafes that was open as an outdoor sidewalk cafe in Paris in late November.

"So," Brother Jim whimpered slightly as he froze his nuts off in his monk's robes , "Hyung isn't with you in Paris?".

"No," Dracul shook his head, "she flew home to South Korea as soon as she heard today's news that North Korea had attacked South Korea's Yeonpyeong Island killing 2 soldiers, destroying civilian homes and wounding both civilians and soldiers."

"An extremely dangerous situation," Brother Jim remarked as he sipped his hot chocolate.

"Very dangerous," Dracul agreed.



* * *

Kim Jong-un (the designated heir to North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il) was holding a meeting with the famous South African witch doctor Sterling Makabo.

"So," Kim Jong-un asked, "My one million man zombie army that you have raised from the dead is now ready?".

"Yes, Your Excellency," Sterling Makabo nodded.

"Good," Kim smiled, "if the glorious People's Democratic Republic of Korea is forced to get into a war with the U.S., Japan and the imposter government that oversees the southern half of my peninsula, I'll have an army that is already dead but still able to fight."

"That is correct," Sterling Makabo smiled as he ate the delicious pork dish that lay in front of him.

"I heard reports that you raised the artist Vincent Van Gogh temporarily from the dead last week," Kim helped himself to a steaming dish of vegetables.

"Yes," Makabo ate a pig's foot, "I got the zombie Vincent to cut off his other ear and then I mailed it to Charles Prince of Wales."

"For what purpose?" Kim asked.

"His Highness never paid me for bringing back his banana tree from the dead," Sterling answered.


* * *


Amadeus Emanon was having dinner with the vampiress songstress Angelique Dumont (who hailed from New Orleans, Louisiana) in a posh London restaurant.

"Nice to see the annoying Renfield isn't with us this evening," Angelique smiled as she smoothed her dress.

"No, he's currently in America teaching seminars to TSA airport security guards on the proper way to pat down and grope airline passengers who are getting ready for the Thanksgiving long weekend," Amadeus replied.

"Renfield is?" Angelique blinked, "And what is he using for teaching aids as he gives these seminars?".

"Every hard-core porno movie that he can find," Amadeus replied.


* * *


It was an exclusive bank in Geneva, Switzerland that kept evening hours for its rich clients.

The billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set was there making a withdrawal from his personal safety deposit box.

Behind him he heard a swishing and a rustling of skirts.

He turned and there was the vampiress who was both his sister and his sister-in-law-
Isis.

"So getting out some safety assets I see?" Isis looked at him.

Set decided to say nothing but turned again to the bank clerk.

Isis looked at him with an amused expression and decided to test him, "So I suppose that means you too know what is really happening in Korea?".

Set paused, turn around, and looked at her in shock, "You know what's really going on?".

"What's going on is setting the stage for the return of our brother and my beloved husband, Osiris," Isis smiled at him.

* * *

To be continued.

Qonzilqointec: Close Encounters of the Vampiress Kind

The boy was about 10 years old.

He walked across the school field from the school to his home.

But it wasn't day.

It was night.

Although the boy did attend classes at the school during the day, this night from 7:30 to 9:30 PM there was an extramural Chess Club for Chess enthusiasts that ran.

So the boy attended the Chess Club.

He held his Chess set tightly in hand as he walked across the school field.

He was half way home.

It was then that he saw the bright light.

It hovered above him- this silver disk.

The boy froze.

Or at least he thought he froze.

For he couldn't move.

Then the disk seemed to open.

And a white staircase emerged from the disk.

Down the staircase walked the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life.

She wore a long red evening dress with black frills around her waist and elbows. He caught a glimpse of shimmering black silk pantyhose and noticed she wore vigourously polished and sparkling shiny red spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

Then she smiled at him.

Her teeth were glistening snowy icy white and she had huge incisors in her mouth like he recalled seeing on those vampiresses in those old British Hammer Studios horror movies with Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing that he loved so well.

The top of her dress was extremely low cut and she showed ample breasts and bosom and cleavage as did those vampiresses in those old British Hammer Studios horror movies with Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing- one of the reasons he loved those movies so well.

She picked the boy up and carried him up the staircase.

Then she took the boy's clothes off and bathed him in the most antiseptic looking bathtub he had ever seen in his life.

Then she towelled him dry.

Then she took the boy to a couch underneath a huge spotlight.

She sat down on the couch, took the boy over her knee and then spanked him hard and vigourously for what seemed hours.

* * *

The boy woke up.

He was in bed.

It must have been a dream.

He looked out the window and noticed a bright light leaving his back yard.

As the bright light flew farther away, it gave the appearance of being a silver disk- much like those old UFO flying saucers he recalled seeing in old 1950s sci-fi movies he'd watch on Saturday afternoon cinemas on TV.

He also felt an extremely warm and burning hot (although extremely pleasant for some reason) sensation on his back side.

* * *

Dracul Van Helsing stood on the top floor of the observatory and gazed through the telescope.

His acquaintance and friend the Jesuit astronomer Father Jose Santeiros asked him, "Do you see what I see?".

The way the Jesuit astronomer worded the question reminded him of the lyrics from that old Christmas children's carol The Little Drummer Boy, "Do you see what I see?".

"Yes, you've found an ET, Father Jose," Dracul nodded, "a real live ET on Saturn's moon Titan."

"It's a strange looking creature," Father Santeiros remarked.

"A feathered serpent," Dracul replied, "a snake with wings."

"Indeed, that's what it looks like," Father Santeiros nodded.

"It's the Aztec feathered serpent god Quetzalcoatl," Dracul answered, "I was there when the Egyptian vampiress Isis and the Greek vampiress Athena cast a magical spell sending it back to Saturn's moon Titan."

"What?" Father Santeiros looked incredulous.

"Yes," Dracul nodded, "the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec had ripped out my still beating heart on top of an Mexican Aztec pyramid in a human sacrifice to bring him back to Earth from Titan where he had been apparently exiled back in December, 1531. She succeeded in bringing the old snake back but Isis and Athena arrived, put my heart back in place and then sent Quetzalcoatl back to Titan."

"Why would Isis and Athena want Quetzalcoatl back on Titan?" Father Santeiros asked.

"Isis doesn't want any competition from any other gods when her husband/lover/brother Osiris returns to Earth in 2012," Dracul smiled, "ditto for Athena whose father Zeus has emerged again in the world in this year of 2010.".

"He has?" Father Santeiros didn't know whether to believe Dracul or not, "but won't Zeus and Osiris fight one another for control of the earth?".

"Oh, probably," Dracul ate an apple, "but at least they won't have another rival to contend with. Although Quetzalcoatl is supposed to return in the year 2012 as well according to some. Which would make it a 3 deity contest for control of the Earth anyway."


* * *

Dracul Van Helsing walked back to his car from the observatory.

It was then that he noticed the bright light in the sky.

The bright light became a silver disk.

And from the disk a white stairway.

Down the stairway emerged the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec dressed in a low cut red evening dress with black frills around the waist and elbows, black silk pantyhose and red spiked stiletto high-heeled shoes.

"Dracul Van Helsing," Princess Qonzilqointec smiled with her sparkling white teeth and vampiric incisors.

"Your Highness," Dracul bowed.

"So that priest has spotted my spiritual godfather Quetzalcoatl through his telescope," Qonzilqointec said, "is he now going to tell the world?."

"Not yet," Dracul replied.

"Good," Qonzilqointec smiled, "so I won't have to kill him."

"Like you did me atop that pyramid 5 years ago," Dracul noted.

"I held your heart in my hands," Qonzilqointec stepped towards him, "and then Isis and Athena came along and ruined everything."

"For my sake, I'm glad they did," Dracul smiled.

"I suppose you remember that first meeting of ours," Qonzilqointec laughed, "where I ripped out your still beating heart with my high priestess black obsidian knife and held it in my hands."

"That wasn't our first meeting," Dracul said.

"What do you mean that wasn't our first meeting?" Qonzilqointec sputtered, "when had we met before then?".

"Don't you remember?" Dracul smiled, "I was a boy about 10 years old and walking back across the school field from my Chess Club meeting and you came down in your Tesla prototype flying saucer which I see you still have and picked me up?".

"You remember that?" Qonzilqointec gasped.

"LIke it was yesterday," Dracul answered.

* * *

To be continued.

The above is the 1st chapter of the 2nd book of my Vampire Hunter trilogy.