Angel In The Whirlwind In Washington DC

David Appleton was a White House Secret Service agent. He monitored at his desk all the cameras in the White House. Other Secret Service personnel of course did the same at various locations around the White House.

But Appleton's desk was only a few feet away from the Oval Office itself.

Thus Appleton was the camera monitor observer who was the last range of defense for the President himself.

David Appleton was observing a tour group that was touring the White House.

His eyes were particularly drawn to a beautiful young Indian woman... from India herself or whose ancestors came from India... a breathtakingly lovely young Hindu maiden.

She was wearing a black blouse, a medium length black pleated skirt, tan pantyhose and red stiletto high-heeled shoes.

He saw her look up at the camera with an angelically lovely face and smile.

Suddenly she vanished.

What the... ?

Where did she go?

The next thing he knew while looking at the various monitor screens was that this Indian Hindu beauty was running down the hallways of the White House knocking over staff and Secret Service agents.

And she seemed to have a multitude of arms (at least 12 arms by the looks of it) to bash and dash anyone who got in her way.

The next thing he knew was he saw this dark skirted young beauty with 12 arms running down the hall in his direction.

Appleton pulled his gun out of his holster and rose to his feet.

The next thing he knew was that his head was being ripped off his shoulders by one of the 12 arms of the dark-haired green-eyed young beauty.

And now that his head was now ripped off...

... he was now dead.

And therefore unable to make any more observations.

The Hindu maiden with 12 arms then entered the Oval Office.


* * *


US President George W. Bush who had an Ozzy Osbourne CD playing softly in the background looked up from the Spiderman comic book that he had been reading, "It's about time you got here with those roast beef and cheese sandwiches. I ordered them an hour ago. What are you going to do if Illinois Senator Barack Obama gets elected President and he orders chicken and ribs? Are you going to take an hour to deliver his chicken and ribs? You know how a black man hates to be kept waiting for his chicken and ribs! Say, how many arms have you got anyways? And where are my roast beef and cheese sandwiches?"

"I've got 12-arms," the beautiful dark skirted young Hindu Indian beauty answered as she lifted George Dubya high into the air by one of his gray hairs, "and no I don't have your roast beef and cheese sandwiches."

"Bloody Hell!" the President swore, "it's not like you could bitch about not having enough hands to carry everything."

"I am known in my country as the Hindu goddess Kali," the beauty replied.

"Kali?" George Dubya scratched his head, "I think a satyr-playing guru who visited the White House mentioned you once. Aren't you the wife of Shiva the Destroyer? Aren't you the Hindu goddess of death and destruction yourself? And I thought you were supposed to wear a necklace of human skulls or so this satyr-playing guru Hrundi V. Bakshi told me anyways. Where's your necklace of human skulls?"

The Hindu goddess Kali put George Dubya back in his chair and undid her blouse, "I bet you're just asking to see my necklace of human skulls because you really want to see my breasts."

Kali showed George Dubya her necklace (and other things).

The President gulped and cleared his throat, "My, what lovely knockers... I mean... what a lovely necklace you have."

"Now, let's get down to business," Kali said.

"All right," the President undid his zipper and dropped his trousers, "what's good enough for Bill Clinton is good enough for me."

"That's not what I meant," Kali slapped the President's face with all 12 of her arms.

"Ouch," the President rubbed his face, "I bet you spend a fortune on underarm deodorant."

"Remember in your first inaugural address back on January 20th, 2001, you asked the question "what angel rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm?". Remember you asked that question?" Kali gazed into the President's eyes.

President Bush gazed beyond her necklace of human skulls, "I do remember asking that question."

"Well," Kali smiled a seductive smile, "I am the angel who rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm. I am the Angel in the Whirlwind of Washington DC."

To be continued.

Princess Qonzilqointec In Moscow

The Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec was in Moscow for a meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

"Your spiritual father Quetzalcoatl was here in Moscow on Christmas Day for the unveiling of Set Laboratories Moscow's latest genetic creation," Putin smiled at the Aztec vampire princesss.

Qonzilqointec smoothed her rusty brown pleated skirt and adjusted her ruby red silk pantyhose before replying, "I understand this new genetic being you've dubbed the Czarevich."

"That's true," Putin nodded, "I did it because of who his mentor will be- the monk Rasputin who's been a vampire all these years ever since his supposed death on the night of December 16th-17th, 1916."

"My father informed me that Rasputin was still alive and was a vampire," Princess Qonzilqointec crossed her legs, "that I did not know."

"He was turned into a vampire by the Transylvanian Count Vladimir Nosferatu who I believe you know," Putin smiled, "Count Vladimir was in the pay of the German Kaiser during the First World War and the Kaiser thought having Rasputin still alive (though technically vampirically undead) and kicking would help undermine Russia's war effort."

(Note to readers: Count Vladimir Nosferatu is not to be confused with Count Dracula or Prince Vlad III Tepes (Vlad the Impaler) who was slain by Doctor Abraham Van Helsing the great-great-great grandfather of the noted contemporary vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing. Count Nosferatu is a minor Transylvanian nobleman who has leased out his ancestral home Castle Nosferatum and is currently living in New York City)

"But he really didn't do much did he, Rasputin... as a vampire I mean," Qonzilqointec smiled, "it was Lenin who helped Germany's war efforts on the Eastern front by pulling Russia out of the war."

"No, becoming a vampire sent Rasputin into a state of shock," Putin smiled, "he returned to his hometown of Pokrovskoye in Siberia where he lived in undead obscurity until the Soviet Union was formally dissolved by Gorbachev back on Christmas Day, 1991. Then he returned to Saint Petersburg where he found a job working in the Mayor's office as a nighttime filing clerk. He later joined the FSB in 1997. He's done a bunch of personal work for me ever since."

"I understand Rasputin had to be brought back from the dead again," Qonzilqointec uncrossed her legs.

"Yes," said President Putin who was starting to get a huge erection as a result of Qonzilqointec constantly crossing and uncrossing her legs, "an anti-Communist vampiress the Countess Tatiana (who was a distant cousin of Czar Nicholas II during her mortal life) cut off Rasputin's head. She found out that Rasputin had been setting fire to various hospitals and clinics across Russia the past couple of months."

"I understand Rasputin did that as a form of occultic ritual sacrifice to release the ancient Canaanite god Moloch from his place of captivity in the northern Russian city of Arkhangelsk," Qonzilqointec put one of her brown stiletto high-heeled shoed nyloned feet up on Putin's desk.

"I'm going to have to use a hammer to hammer this down," Putin thought to himself and then aloud he said, "yes as a part of a deal my Administration made with your spiritual father Quetzalcoatl. Your father very much longed for Moloch's help."

"I understand it was Moloch who brought Rasputin's head and body back to Moscow after the Countess Tatiana had beheaded him," Qonzilqointec flashed Putin a wide smile (and flashed more than that).

"Yes," Putin answered who was starting to think of the winter beaver hunt in Russia for some reason, "Moloch brought Rasputin to Moscow where he was once again raised from the dead through the help of the ancient Egyptian vampire Set's genetics laboratories in Moscow." A glimpse of Qonzilqointec is better than western Viagara Comrade Putin thought to himself.

"I would like to see this genetically designed child whom you call the Czarevich," Qonzilqointec stood up on her stiletto high-heels.

Unbeknownst to Russian President Vladimir Putin, Qonzilqointec was with child herself. A child conceived after a night of love-making with the great Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing.

To be continued.